Can I skip Mother’s Day this year: I miss Mom

All this talk about Mother’s Day. Can I just skip it please?  Everywhere I look, there are Mother’s Day wishes, commercials and constant reminders.  This is one of the hardest holidays for me.  It reminds me of my mom and I’m reminded of how much I miss her.

Recently I met a woman who told me how she calls her mother every morning on the way to work. She told me that her hour-long commute each day doesn’t seem that bad because she spends it just talking.  I envy that.  I miss the phone conversations with my mom.  I told this woman how lucky she was to still have her here.

Family by soledad martinez

Her story reminded me of my yesterdays.  Back then I would call my mom every day.  We didn’t have any particular reason to call. It was just to say hello.  We could talk for 5 minutes or 50 minutes, but it was every single day.

These days I go to work at a different location. My commute takes me passed her house every single day. Most days, I try not to think about it.  I don’t look over, I just concentrate on the road.  But then there are the days when I’m so conscious of the place where she once lived that I remember seeing her sitting in front waiting for me.  Some days after work, I would pick up McDonalds and we would spend an afternoon together eating Big Macs and French fries.  She loved it and being diabetic, it was a special treat for her. We didn’t do it that often but that’s why those moments were so special.  I remember worrying about her eating so many carbs and one day my husband told me. ‘Why do you worry so much? It makes her happy.’ I knew my mom wouldn’t be around for a long time and if an occasional Big Mac would make her laugh and smile, then that’s what I did for her.

On Mother’s Day, sons and daughters buy their moms special gifts. They take them out for breakfast or dinner. Flowers are delivered. Families pick up their phones to call and wish their moms a special day.

I would prefer to skip Mother’s Day this year, if that was possible.  My mom is not here. And when the television commercials share those intimate moments with moms and their children, I become sad.  My heart feels the empty gap. It’s funny how overwhelming grief is. It happens out of nowhere, it can happen when we least expect it. On holidays we miss them, on birthdays we miss them, and on Mother’s Day, we miss them most of all.

Sometimes I wish the phone would ring and it would be mom on the other end. “It’s me,” she would say. “I just called to say I love you.”  And I would return her message, “I love you too mom. I wish you were here.”